The Purple Tux
With just enough education to perform.Wednesday, April 21, 2004
I am currently working on a post about some of my favorite music. It's taking me a while to finish writing it, though, so please check back again in a couple days or so. Thanks for your patience. And yeah, it'll be a fairly long post, so the payoff should be worth it (hopefully), kinda like The Ultimates.
Wednesday, April 14, 2004
The X-Men are homo sapien superior. I am a homo sapien. You are homo sapien inferior.
Is it nature or nurture? I don't understand why people are such stupid creatures. Some humans aren't even better than simple beasts. Shoot, I'd rather have a dog than be friends with some people.
Today, I was reminded why I hate people so much. I was taking the bus to school, right, I'm chillin' on a seat in the back. When we get to this one stop, a few people get on and stuff, you know, just like usual. They show the bus driver their ID cards and get on. No big deal. Then, this one dude tries to get on, but apparently he doesn't have his ID card, so he has to pay a buck to ride the bus.
Ordinarily, this wouldn't be THAT stupid. However, there are a few people behind him, and he just stands there in the doorway, blocking everyone's way looking in his wallet. He realizes that he doesn't have a dollar, so he calls out to one of his friends who is already on the bus. "Hey, you got a dollar?" he yells. He yelled that a couple of times, actually, while his friend frantically searched his pockets for enough change. I thought it was pretty dumb of him to completely block everyone from getting when he could have just taken like to steps and moved out of the way. Well, after a few moments, I saw a bright halogen light bulb flash over his head, and he took a couple steps to the side and let everyone else get on the bus. He was still waiting for his friend to scrounge up a couple of quarters.
Again, let me add that normally, an incident like this wouldn't be enough to induct a person into my personal Stupidity Hitlist, but there's a little more. His friend finally finds enough change, and then the dude gives the money to the bus driver. You have to understand that this whole incident, coupled with the dude shouting and making a scene, completely captivated everyone who was already on the bus. I mean, it seemed fairly obvious that he was a college student trying to go to class, and if the bus driver wanted to, he probably could have let the dude get on for free. Most people seemed kind of annoyed that there was a hold up, regardless.
I believe the dude realized that he was the uncomfortable center of attention as he walked deeper into the bus. His friend laughed at him and shook his head. I'm sure this must have confirmed the dude's disgrace. But think about it- it's really no big deal. Anyone could forget or lose his ID card. So the dude just stands in the middle of the bus and stupidly makes a bigger deal out of the situation than it actually is. Talk about a drama queen! This guy put on a show that definitely cemented him as a member of the Resident Evil voice actors' club. The dude opens up his wallet (so that everyone on the bus can see and he looks inside it) and just starts yelling, VERY loudly, "Aw, mother!@#$ing BITCH! Where the !@#$ is it?! !@#$ing BITCH! Stupid !@#$ing bitch!" As he said his last curses, he looked to the front of the bus (i.e., the bus driver). Then the dude sat down.
Talk about a weak finish. He must have been upset that the bus driver somehow embarassed him by not giving him a free pass. Throw me a frickin' bone, man. It's not often you'll find me defending a Unitrans bus driver in any way, shape, or form, but in this case, the driver was just doing his flamin' job. The stupid dude had no reason to make a bigger scene than he'd already made, other than the fact that he was just, well, stupid. Very few things annoy me more about people than those who think that they deserve all the breaks. My philosophy is, Though I may possibly show a fool mercy, I ask for none because I am made of sterner stuff. Anyone who doesn't live by this, or at least agree with me, is pretty stupid. It might sound arrogant, but if you take offense at such a statement, perhaps you're stupid also.
The world is full of idiots who expect the easy way out. They don't take responsibility for their actions. The stupid dude on the bus, for example, wasn't man enough to admit to himself that he deserved to pay a buck to ride the bus because he didn't have his ID card. He tried to shift the blame to the driver for not giving him a free ride. How unforgivably preposterous. To add to his shame, when he cut loose with his tirade, he had not even the courage to say it to the driver's face. I have no respect for such a being. I mean c'mon! At least show some consistency here!! This was a guy who was simply too stupid to realize he's stupid.
I suppose after reading this post, you might think of me as an elitist prick. Maybe so, but that sure as hell doesn't change the fact that I'm just a superior lifeform compared to most of the rest of humanity.
Wednesday, April 07, 2004
When humanity becomes extinct, we'll all know it was a woman's fault.
One of the three English classes I'm takin' this quarter is the Literature of California. We're starting off reading an anthology of stories from across many eras. So far, we have read a number of Native American fables, myths, creation stories, etc. Since I read so many in such a short period of time, most of them kind of just blended into one another, but there was one particular very special short story which I will never forget. Because I'm an uncreative hack with none of my own ideas and can only regurgitate what has been fed into my mind, I will now post the story for you to read. It's short, but it's a good one.
This story is entitled "The Man and the Owls" and it is a story passed down from the Yokuts.
"The Man and the Owls"
A man and his wife were traveling. They camped overnight in a cave. They had a fire burning. Then they heard a horned owl (hutulu) hoot. The woman said to her husband: "Call in the same way. He will come and you can shoot him. Then we will eat him for supper." The man got his bow and arrows ready and called. The owl answered, coming nearer. At last it sat in a tree near the fire. The man shot. He killed it. Then his wife told him: "Do it again. Another one will come." Again he called and brought an owl and shot it. He said: "It is enough now." But his wife said: "No. Call again. If you call them in the morning they will not come. We have had no meat for a long time. We shall want something to eat tomorrow as well as now." Then the man called. More owls came. There were more and more of them. he shot, but more came. The air was full of owls. All his arrows were gone. The owls came closer and attacked them. The man took sticks from the fire and fought them off. He covered the woman with a basket and kept on fighting. More and more owls came. At last they killed both the man and the woman.
The End.
Wow. That is quite possibly the best one paragraph short story I have ever read. It's just such a satisfying story, and it has a good message. It touches upon humanity on so many levels even though it's so simple. Let's briefly take a deeper look.
First of all, the premise of the story is rather amusing. A man and his wife travel and need to eat something. Apparently, they had not the foresight to bring any rations with them. If they had, perhaps they wouldn't have needed to hunt for food. As you can see, just a few sentences into the story, we've already learned a life lesson: be prepared.
Next, the woman suggests a plan for her husband to catch some meat. Sounds like a pretty smart woman, huh? But if she were really that smart, she would have remembered that the owl is often viewed as a harbinger of doom, particularly in Native American cultures. Oops! Somehow, her hunger clouded her judgment. Why didn't she suggest hunting for deer or something? A deer would probably provide more nutrition than a few owls combined, anyway.
However, the man is a man much like most men. (In fact, it could be said that this man is a man among men, because he is not only the man, but a man, and more specifically, this man is the man of the story as well as the man of the title-- this fact, in and of itself, simply displays the manliness and masculinity of this man, who, if you may remember, is quite the man.) He's a good man and a nice husband, though. Despite his wife's lunacy in suggesting he imitate an owl's (harbinger of doom, remember) mating call, he decides to humor her. She wants some tasty owl meat, so the man proves his love to her by taking down one of those feathery creatures.
Then, after catching one, the wife's just gotta catch 'em all. Greed. How typical. And making her man do all the work, too. She commands her husband to shoot down another owl. Sheesh. How much owl can one woman possibly eat in one night? The man, of course, decides not to tell his beloved wife that she's been putting on pounds lately. He figures, Hey, if she thinks she can eat it...
After getting the second owl, though, the wife STILL wants more! Unbelievable. Now she says that she wants some of that tasty owl for breakfast the next morning. Really, at this point, my mind's eye just pictures this woman as like this short two hundred pound woman. The man even tells the woman that they have enough, but nope, she's gotta have more. Now, if this man were logical, at this point he'd just say, "You foolish wench, do you know what you are asking? If you truly want more owl, then verily, I say unto you, catch the damn birds yourself!" And then he'd hand her his bow and some arrows and just storm away. And knowing what we know of this woman, she'd probably be too fat to be able to nock an arrow.
Too bad the man doesn't do that, though. Instead, he gives in to his wife, and they die. Simple as that. You screw around with the harbinger of doom long enough, and you'll get what's coming to you. The funniest thing at the end of the story, though, is when the man covers his wife with a basket. With a basket! Try to picture that in your mind. The man and the woman are getting attacked from all sides by a flock of angry owls of doom, and the man decides to cover the woman in a BASKET. When I first read this, I laughed to myself and thought, Man, there just ain't no way a little sissy handwoven basket is gonna protect this dumb broad. A closer inspection of the text, however, reveals that at this point, protecting his wife was most likely low on his priority list after suffering for her mistakes in judgment.
I mean, wearing a basket when getting attacked by angry birds isn't really going to be very useful. It blocks your vision and limits your mobility. I believe that the man put a basket over his wife in order to make her more of a sitting target (though it's hard to imagine such a large woman being able to run very far- for that matter, it's hard to imagine the two of them going on a camping trip while lugging around basket large enough to cover the woman in the first place). You might ask yourself, What was the point of putting the basket on her? It may have been a futile gesture, but at least it gave the man the moral victory.
The moral of the story is, Following women will lead to our doom.
Friday, April 02, 2004
It has been quite some flamin' long time since I've graced the Web with my genius, so I figure it's about time to release another blessing for all you to read. So I was just thinking of a topic to write about. I think it's about time for me to write about two of my favorite things ever- comics and the Bible. Sure, I've written about comics in the past, and most people probably don't understand what the hell's so interesting about guys in spandex beating the snot out of other guys in spandex, but this time I am going to show that sometimes, there are deeper issues than just superficial action.
Most of you, I would imagine, have heard of the X-Men and know the basic premise. Recently, there was this great, great X-Men story entitled "Planet X." This story is definitely one of my top three favorite X-Men stories of all time. Here's a quick background of the story: Over a year or so ago, Magneto, the X-Men's greatest adversary, was killed during the Sentinel attack which left the mutant island nation of Genosha utterly decimated (16 million mutants died in the attack). In addition, the general public has learned that Professor Xavier's School For Gifted Youngsters is really a school for mutants. So when the story of Planet X begins, the X-Men have lived in a world with no Magneto. They still go on adventures and stuff, and also teach at the school. One of the school's prominent teachers is a mutant from China named Xorn, who has a microscopic star for a brain (he also has the ability to heal others). Because of his mutation, he must wear a special iron mask/helmet at all times- if he were to remove it, his head would explode. This dude Xorn is well-respected and appreciated by the X-Men because he is such a positive guy, spouting New Age philosophies and Zen and crap like that, keeping a positive outlook on life. His words and his philosophies give the X-Men the one thing they need in a world which fervently fears and hates them: hope.
Whew! Hope you followed all that. Well, when Planet X begins, there's been some downtime and the individual X-Men (Wolverine, Cyclops, Emma Frost, Jean Grey, and Beast) are out on their own adventures, away from the X-Mansion. Professor X is about to hit up Cerebra (a machine which boosts his telepathic abilities) so he can check the status of his students, when things just go wrong. Cerebra is trashed and some of the rebellious teenage students at the school start causing a ruckus. Xavier is shocked and he's running around in a panic (when the X-Men first met Xorn, he used his healing powers to repair the professor's legs). He ends up in Xorn's classroom when all of a sudden, the door just slams shut. Then, even more shockingly, Xavier's legs just buckle out from under him- his legs are destroyed again! He looks up at Xorn in shock. Xorn removes his helmet and reveals himself to be Magneto!
To make this summary quick, basically Magneto lured all the X-Men away from the mansion and sabotaged whatever vehicles they were using. Their absence allows him to completely conquer Manhattan in one day. ONE DAY. One day is all it took. A bunch of mutants come to Manhattan to see what's up. Remember, at this point, everyone in the world has believed that Magneto died on the day that Genosha was attacked by Sentinels. Thus, they have no idea who the crap this guy claiming to be Magneto really is. For all they know, it could be anyone wearing the cape, colors, and helmet of Magneto. So yeah, as you can imagine, the X-Men manage to overcome their setbacks and return to Manhattan to take a stand against the Master of Magnetism. It sounds pretty standard, huh?
During the battle, Cyclops confronts Magneto one-on-one. He says to him, "You know something? Even after everything that happened to me, I still trusted you. I thought Xorn was a genuinely good man... he gave me hope.. and it was you all along. Lies! You filled all our lives with lies!" Grabbing Magneto and facing him up close, Cyclops says, "The helmet keeps you safe from telepathy, right?" and then he shoots an optic blast right in Magneto's face, destroying his helmet and ruining his facial features.
Needing a helmet to protect himself from telepathic assaults, Magneto put on the helmet he wore when he was Xorn. The other X-Men, like Beast and Wolverine attack him and start calling him Xorn, which angers the prideful Magneto. The other mutants in the city watching this happen have no idea who this fool is, and they start yelling things like, "Where's Magneto?," "Who does this skull-faced freak think he is?," and "We want to see Magneto!" Magneto goes nuts, flies in front of the crowd, takes off his helmet, revealing his disfigured face, and says, "See, you morons?! I am MAGNETO!!" Of course, he then gets jacked up good by a telepathic attack.
I won't spoil any more of that story (that, and I'm too lazy to summarize everything else), but that's enough for now. So what's so special about this story? How in the world am I going to tie this tale into something to do with the Bible?
Ephesians 6:17 says, "Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God." It's a pretty famous passage to those of you familiar with the Bible, the "Armor of God" stuff. Well, a few weeks ago, we were going over this passage in the Bible study I'm in, and when I thought of the helmet of salvation, my mind just raced back to Planet X. What is the helmet of salvation? Well, a helmet often proudly displays what side you're on in a battle. Think about like World War II and stuff- troops from the same country had the same helmet, so as better to tell whom to shoot and whom not to shoot. With the helmet of salvation, a Christian is to be bold in proclaiming the source of his salvation.
In Planet X, Magneto was defeated when he lost sight of himself. He wanted people to know him, but by masquerading around as Xorn for months, everyone believed Magneto was dead. He changed his helmet and changed his identity. Who was he? His identity was in question. At the end of the story, the X-Men suffer a fatal loss, and Cyclops, holding the mortally wounded X-Man in his arms, frantically cries, "Somebody get help!! Fetch... Xorn..." before he realizes that there was no Xorn, there was no healer (all of the "healing" was just the clever use of metal nano-Sentinels), there was no man of peace.
You know that Radiohead song, Karma Police? At the end, Thom Yorke just belts out, over and over like a mantra, "For a minute there, I lost myself, I lost myself."
Deception can be a destroyer. How tragic is it when we not only deceive those around us, but our own selves as well?
All I know is that I never want to lose myself.
