The Purple Tux
With just enough education to perform.Monday, December 31, 2001
This will be my last post of the year. Should I reflect on life this year, write some meaningful, though-provoking words? Nah, way too lazy. Think I'll just sit here and listen to Travis' "The Invisible Band." Peace out.
Sunday, December 30, 2001
Well, it's close to the end of the year. Time sure has flown, hasn't it? Seems like just yesterday I was coming home from high school at about 1PM just to play 4 or 5 straight hours of Phantasy Star Online. Dude. Seeing as how I'm still in my "music junkie" mode, I think I'll list my ten favorite songs of the year. It wasn't that easy for me to make this list, as there were many great songs that were close, but not quite right up there. My criteria for a song to make the list were simple (I mean besides the fact that I had to like the song for some special reason). It had to be song on an album released in the year 2001, or a single released in 2001. However, I did cheat in one way. The list has no order, that would have been too hard for me. Oh well, maybe next year I won't be so lazy.
"Alive," by P.O.D. One of my favorite songs from one of my favorite bands. The soaring chorus, the driving guitars, man, it's catchy and everything, yet still meaningful. A feel good song, about how there's so much to life. Thanks to God. "Now that I know You, I could never turn my back away..."
"Walk On," by U2. I think this is one of the most encouraging songs I've ever heard. Would I seem like an idiot if I said it made me cry? "And I know it aches, and your heart it breaks, and you can only take so much... You've got to leave it behind..."
"One Step Closer," by Linkin Park. I knew there had to be at least one Linkin Park song on my list, but I couldn't decide between this one and "In The End." But this was the first song I heard from them, and the angry, screaming, violent tone of "One Step Closer" beat out the funeral-ish, dirge-like trappings of "In The End." Everybody needs a song to scream along with them when they're pissed off, I can certainly testify to that. At the least, I can say I liked Linkin Park before they became as popular as they are today. "SHUT UP when I'm talkin' to you!!!"
"I've Been High," by R.E.M. This abstract song somehow captures the spirit of optimism in a rather unique way. The melody is wonderful, the lyrics poetic. Everytime I listen to this song, I find a new reason to like it more. "But life, sometimes it washes over me... washes over me... close my eyes so I can see, make my make believe believe in me."
"Ghetto," by P.O.D. I think if you check out my archives, I mentioned this song after we got attacked by the terrorists. This song, at least to me, retains its poignancy in the light of world events. "I believe you and I believe in love..."
"Hide," by Creed. A happy, encouraging song. Nice guitars. I've heard it said that "Weathered," the album, is gonna be the next U2's "The Joshua Tree." Whether that will be so remains to be seen, but either way, "Hide" is definitely one of the songs I'll remember throughout my lifetime. "There is no reason to hide..."
"Stuck In A Moment That You Can't Get Out Of," by U2. Heheh, I like that long title. This song basically sums up just about everyone's life. Such a universal song. I love music based on emotions, and let me say again that "All That You Can't Leave Behind" is an important album that you should buy if you care about beautiful music. "And if the night runs over, and if the day won't last. And if your way should falter, along this stony pass... It's just a moment, this time will pass."
"Imitation Of Life," by R.E.M. Possibly my favorite song on how people like to fake their way through life. We hide underneat masks which conceal our true potential. "This lightning storm, this tidal wave, this avalanche, I'm not afraid! C'mon, c'mon, no one can see me cry."
"Fade," by Staind. I'm not really a fan of Staind or their brand of teen-angst nu-metal stuff, but this song is good. Good melody, and the lyrics are easy to relate to. On a side note, it does seem that a lot of bands today, especially the heavier ones, seem to write albums full of false angst. Thumbs down to that. Those guys should listen to "Imitation Of Life," haha! "I only know that I can change, everything else stays the same. So now I step out of the darkness that my life became, 'cause..."
"Side," by Travis. Man, I liked that song the first time I heard it. Kind of a mellow (melancholy?) tune that clicked with me. Still, it's strangely uplifting. This is a great band, too. "We all try to live our lives in harmony for fear of falling swiftly overboard. But life is both a major and a minor key, just open up the chord."
Is that ten? Yep, that's ten. Other songs that were almost on the list include "The Middle" and "Hear You Me," from Jimmy Eat World, "Yours Truly," by Embodyment, "Trouble," by Coldplay, "Be Like That," from 3 Doors Down, "I Don't Know," by Third Day, "All You Got," by Tait, and "She Cries," by East West. Oh yeah, and "Pardon Me" from Incubus and "Wait For Me," by Rebecca St. James, which is probably my favorite pop song this year.
Dude. Do I spend too much time on this online journal, or what?
Saturday, December 29, 2001
This song itself is only alright, in terms of the music and vocals. It's not as good as some of their other songs, but the lyrics are somewhat my state of mind, sometimes, at least.
"By Myself," Linkin Park
What do I do to ignore them behind me?
Do I follow my instincts blindly?
Do I hide my pride / from these bad dreams
And give in to sad thoughts that are maddening?
Do I / sit here and try to stand it?
Or do I / try to catch them red – handed?
Do I trust some and get fooled by phoniness,
Or do I trust nobody and live in loneliness?
Because I can’t hold on / when I’m stretched so thin
I make the right moves but I’m lost within
I put on my daily façade but then
I just end up getting hurt again
By myself [myself]
I ask why, but in my mind
I find I can’t rely on myself
I can’t hold on
To what I want when I’m stretched so thin
It’s all too much to take in
I can’t hold on
To anything watching everything spin
With thoughts of failure sinking in
If I
Turn my back I’m defenseless
And to go blindly seems senseless
If I hide my pride and let it all go on / then they’ll
Take from me ‘till everything is gone
If I let them go I’ll be outdone
But if I try to catch them I’ll be outrun
If I’m killed by the questions like a cancer
Then I’ll be buried in the silence of the answer
[by myself]
How do you think / I’ve lost so much
I’m so afraid / I’m out of touch
How do you expect / I will know what to do
When all I know / Is what you tell me to
Don’t you know
I can’t tell you how to make it go
No matter what I do, how hard I try
I can’t seem to convince myself why
I’m stuck on the outside
Friday, December 28, 2001
The first year of the new millenium is upon its close. Often times, the new year is when people make resolutions, their "New Year's Resolutions." I, for one, never make any resolutions, not because I am lazy (well, maybe a little bit because I am lazy), but because I do not believe in making a promise I will not keep. It would be so easy for me to say, "Awright Dru, this year, you are not gonna play videogames." Yet I would play MvC2 virtually every day. Or I could say, "My New Year's Resolution is to spend at least 2.5 hours of studying for each credit I take in college." Sheeeeeeeeeah, RIGHT. Or, "This year, I will swear off girls." Which would hecka not make sense, considering I've never had any girls; therefore, that would be a stupid resolution, and I may be a freak, but I'm not stupid.
It seems to me that people often enjoy making a big deal of the New Year. I think they just want another excuse to party. People who celebrate the New Year should at least try to take joy in every day, or else what's the point of celebrating a new year but being disappointed with every day of one's life during that year? The aura (there's that awesome concept again) I feel, though, is that people in general like to celebrate this holiday without understanding the underlying meaning. I personally don't particularly do anything to celebrate New Year's, because to me, every day is just another day God has provided me. That's part of the reason I don't celebrate my birthday anymore, too. I think I wrote something similar about my opinion on holidays around Thanksgiving, so I won't repeat myself.
I've been training some more at MvC2, I have some new tricks to try once I get back to Davis. I think I sort of got the timing down on Magneto's airdash in mid combo to lengthen his magic series into Hyper Grav cancelled into Magnetic Tempest. I have also become more consistent at pulling of Cable's AHVB x 3, too. I don't see what's wrong with spending so much time playing games. I'm not a total zombie. I'm writing this, aren't I? And besides, if the players in Japan train by performing the same moves for 8 hours a day (no joke, no exaggeration, seriously), I can play for 1 or 2 a day. Don't worry, I still have a life.
Wednesday, December 26, 2001
Dude, the other night I discovered that Smallville is a pretty cool show. I think it's my second favorite TV show, after Seventh Heaven. Man, what's so weird for an 18 year old male to like Seventh Heaven? It's gotta be the best family show on TV right now, I'm so serious. Well anyway, Smallville is pretty good too, though the episode I watched had a slightly hokey premise, about some random high school jock falling into a frozen lake and emerging with murderous superpowers. That was probably the lamest thing of the show, but I suppose the writers were too lazy to think up anything more creative and believable to make Clark Kent the hero. I think the aspect I like most about that show was the teenage-high school love drama. Oops!! I didn't type that aloud, did I? Ahem, I mean, the aspect I like the most is how it's such a fresh take on Superman. I mean, dude!!! The dialogue was pretty decent, and it wasn't super super superficial (only perhaps a little superficial), like a lot of shows today.
Oh yeah, and the chick who plays Lana Lang looks pretty nice, too.
Tuesday, December 25, 2001
Hope you guys had a pleasant Christmas. And if not, well hey, you still got me!!
Sunday, December 23, 2001
Incredible. I didn't go online for 2 days!! That's like some kind of new record for me, man! At school I'm online like, always. One week of vacation, shot and down the drain. At least I actually did some stuff, though. Played basketball and hung out with friends. Alan, thanks for the food, your restaurant is too good. Also been watching Mobile Suit Gundam 0083: Stardust Memory, hands-down my favorite Gundam series of all. I know Wing is good stuff, especially Endless Waltz, but dude, Stardust Memory has it all. It's an OVA (original video animation), 13 episodes, and each one is beautiful. It's a balanced series. Not overboard on the action scenes, but the battles get epic. The animation, though done circa 1990, were years ahead of its time, in fact the animation, in terms of fluidity, colors, and special graphical effects, whoop on ANYTHING you can watch on American TV today. Of course, the art and character and mecha designs are probably among the best in the past 15 years. The plot, while complex due to the intensely hardcore detailed backstory of the original U.C. timeline, is still easily enjoyable and understandable to someone who has merely a precursory knowledge of the Gundam universe. The character development is particularly well done for an animation of this genre. The people are believable, and by the end of the series, only the most unfeeling audience member will not have at least choked back one or two tears. Subtle little nuances in the storyline make watching it again and again worthwhile. One of the things I like most about the U.C. Gundam timeline is how there isn't really some cheesy "good vs evil" thing; rather, there is a blurred area where both sides of the war, the Zeon and the Federation, seem "good" and "evil." There are people on either side that you feel sympathetic towards, and people on either side whom you hate. Like the greatest pieces of art, Stardust Memory touches upon emotions while teaching life lessons. [Three paragraphs of selfless, starry-eyed Stardust Memory promotion deleted here.]
One of the songs that, upon an initial listen, gave me this feeling of peace. Just an uplifting track that's one of my favorite songs off the album. Heck, it's safe to say this is one my favorite songs this whole year.
"Hide," Creed
To what do I owe this gift my friend?
My life, my love, my soul?
I've been dancing with the devil way too long
And it's making me grow old
Making me grow old
Let's leave... oh let's get away
Get lost in time
Where there's no reason left to hide
Let's leave... oh let's get away
Run in fields of time
Where there's no reason left to hide
What are you going to do with your gift dear child?
Give life, give love, give soul?
Divided is the one who dances
For the soul is so exposed
So exposed
Let's leave... oh let's get away
Get lost in time
Where there's no reason left to hide
Let's leave... oh let's get away
Run in fields of time
Where there's no reason left to hide
There is no reason to hide
No reason to hide...
Thursday, December 20, 2001
I'm not THAT much of a negative guy, am I? Mmm. I've been hecka listening to Weathered, the Creed album. There are a couple of songs that I've been playing over and over. They're just encouraging to me, I guess. In case you haven't noticed, I've been a music junkie for some time now. So I guess you'll have to put up with me and all of my analyses and crud like that. The lyrics in this album, though, pretty suit my frame of mind... It's music I can definitely feel, you know? I've got this affinity to music which is positive and inspiring, without pretending that everything is just dandy.
"Weathered," Creed
I lie awake on a long, dark night
I can't seem to tame my mind
Slings and arrows are killing me inside
Maybe I can't accept the life that's mine
Simple living is my desperate cry
Been trading love with indifference yeah it suits me just fine
I try to hold on but I'm calloused to the bone
Maybe that's why I feel alone
Maybe that's why I feel so alone
Me... I'm rusted and weathered
Barely holding together
I'm covered with skin that peels and it just won't heal
The sun shines and I can't avoid the light
I think I'm holding on to life too tight
Ashes to ashes and dust to dust
Sometimes I feel like giving up
Sometimes I feel like giving up
Me... I'm rusted and weathered
Barely holding together
I'm covered with skin that peels and it just won't heal
The day reminds me of you
The night hides your truth
The earth is a voice
Speaking to you
Take all this pride
And leave it behind
Because one day it ends
One day we die
Believe what you will
That is your right
But I choose to win
So I choose to fight
To fight
Wednesday, December 19, 2001
Yeah. I'm home. Unlike high school, Christmas break is actually a break, since I don't gotta study for any exams or stuff. That rocks. It's like a mini-summer vacation. I like that. It's just gonna be tough to make the most out of the few days I have left... So far I've had fun. Yesterday played hecka MvC2 and stuff with Steve Z, Sam, Mase, and Petey. Today played ball with Ma and Danny, then went shopping.
I got the new Creed album, Weathered. I like Creed a lot. Just one of those bands who has their own style. Sure, there's all the comparisons to Led Zeppelin, but it's kinda like saying every band out there today sound kinda like The Beatles. Creed kind of reminds me of U2, not that they sound anything alike, but because of their lyrics, and the fact that they have a unique sound. I mean, when you hear a Creed song for the first time, you KNOW it's Creed. I remember I was reading some magazine the other day, I think it was Spin or something, and there was an interview with U2, the magazine's Band Of The Year, and I think The Edge mentioned how U2 was unique because they wrote songs about God before they wrote songs about girls, which is like opposite of many other big bands out there. Thought that was pretty funny and true.
Friday, December 14, 2001
Sometimes, just chilling out, especially with a buddy you haven't seen in hecka months, is just too good.
Today rocked.
Melancholy. I like that word. It's not as hard as "sad" but it does sort of conjure up sad imagery. I think I feel melancholic very often, not that it seems to be a problem, at least to me it doesn't seem to be any big deal. Is it so wrong for a Christian guy to experience feelings of melancholy? I think that if I didn't know about Jesus I would just be pissed off all the time. But maybe that's just me. I don't want to sound like I'm all superior or anything. It's just how I feel sometimes. Sometimes, I feel like I'm keeping all these emotions bottled up, and I wanna just rip someone a new one, but Jesus is the only thing holding me back. Yeah. I'm a guy who mostly keeps his most private feelings to himself. Sometimes, I WANT to talk about certain things... But I'm too cowardly to broach the subject, so I'll drop like subtle hints to my friends, hoping that they'll question me about my feelings. Only once in a while, though. I feel i-N-s-A-n-E sometimes! So perhaps that's why I feel melancholy often. Just keeping everything bottled up... I'm a natural loner who, sometimes at least, hates being alone.
Don't get me wrong. I like to think I'm a pretty positive person who doesn't know how to take anything seriously. But I do think that I am a dude (there's that pesky word again) who has more than one emotion. I'm not like those other people who manage to somehow remain perky and upbeat 24-7. I can never understand how someone could act so happy. Are they just wearing masks, thinking that if they pretend everything is just alright, everything WILL be alright? Or am I the one who's messed up? I never know the right thing to say at exactly the right time. I can't do everything right, but I can sometimes do somethings right. I'm still a little kid. Or maybe I am a kidder. Maybe I'm both. I don't know. I don't care. Does it matter? I'm just bent to pieces... If it weren't for Jesus, where would I be? Nowhere good, that's for sure. He keeps my life together. Even though I'm not the best at anything, for some reason I'm good enough for God. So that's what counts. But it's hard to remember that sometimes. That's why I can't be one of those super happy, perky, dare I say it, one-dimensional people who always act as if everything is just freakin' dandy. Once in a while I even feel like God's the only one who loves me, besides my parents, and, ahem, "they don't count because they're my parents." I just wanna be loved. I'm not even talking about girls and crud. I'm just talking about... about people in general. I promise I'll try to be a good person and I'll do my best to be a good Christian.
So I also like melancholy songs sometimes. Music that fits my emotional state of being, you know? Sometimes it's not just the melody that sounds melancholy, but the lyrics as well. Don't label me as one of those one-dimensional loser teen-angst guys, please. Well, you could if you want, but you'd be wrong, so do whatever you want.
"Fade," Staind
I try to breathe
Memories overtaking me
I try to face them but
the thought is too
Much to conceive
I only know that I can change
Everything else just stays the same
So now I step out of the darkness
That my life became 'cause
I just needed someone to talk to
You were just too busy with yourself
You were never there for me to
Express how I felt
I just stuffed it down
Now I'm older and I feel like
I could let some of this anger fade
But it seems the surface
I am scratching
Is the bed that I have made
So where were you
When all this I was going through
You never took the time to ask me
Just what you could do
I try to breathe...
Wednesday, December 12, 2001
Dude.
Dude, I use that word hecka lot too much. "Dude." I'm sure a lot of you out there overuse it, too. But what does "dude" mean? Have we as a society incorporated the word "dude" so much into our filler-language? Has the word "dude" become as meaningless as "Sup man"?
I actually did a little research for today's entry. The following is from www.dictionary.com (yes, that's an actual site, as are www.andrew.com, www.dru.com, www.eric.com, www.marcus.com, www.josh.com, and www.danny.com. Slick Ric and I offer a warning to whomever wishes to visit danny.com, however. You must make sure you are at least 18 years of age before going to www.danny.com.).
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dude (dd, dyd)
n.
Informal. An Easterner or city person who vacations on a ranch in the West.
Informal. A man who is very fancy or sharp in dress and demeanor.
Slang.
A man; a fellow.
dudes Persons of either sex.
tr.v. dud·ed, dud·ing, dudes
Slang. To dress elaborately or flamboyantly: got all duded up for the show.
interj. Slang
Used to express approval, satisfaction, or congratulations.
[Origin unknown.]
Our Living Language Cowboys and the Wild West are indelibly set in the minds of many as typical of Americaan association borne out by several common Modern English words that originated in the speech of the 19th-century western United States. One is dude, now perhaps most familiar as a slang term with a wide range of uses (including use as an all-purpose interjection for expressing approval: “Dude!”). Originally it was applied to fancy-dressed city folk who went out west on vacation. In this usage it first appears in the 1870s. The origin of the word is not known, but a number of other cowboy terms were borrowed by early settlers from American Spanish. These include buckaroo, corral, lasso, mustang, ranch, rodeo, and stampede. Buckaroo, interestingly, is an example of a word borrowed twice: it is an Americanized form of Spanish vaquero, which also made it into English as vaquero, a cowboy.
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I don't know about most of you guys, but I never knew that "dude" came from the Wild West. I always thought it came from Ninja Turtles. Anyway, as you can see, one common meaning we use for "dude" is the slang version, "to express approval, satisfaction, or congratulations." However, think about this for a sec. After a buddy has just whooped on an exam and gets an A, how many times do we offer our congratulations by saying, "Dude." I don't think anyone says that. Sure, people usually say, "Aw tight, good job, dude!" or "Dude, you did hecka well." But in this case, "dude" is being used as its first meaning, "man or fellow" [Okay, I am gonna disregard that crap about ranchers and "sharp in dress" people. It's obvious those definitions have gone the way of the buffalo wings on Marcus' plate (ie, thrown away for no good reason).] So I don't know if that slang meaning is correct. As far as I know, there are only a few of us around who say the word "Duuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuude!" and expect it to be understood as a sentence complete with a meaning that may be gleaned from our intonation. (On the same note, those of us who do think "Dude" is a sentence went to WPL... Go figure.)
I rather thought the meaning "to dress elaborately or flamboyantly" has been outmoded as well. Today's slang has so many hecka more ways to say that. We say, "You're looking spiffy," or "My, my, aren't you all spazzed up?" Of course, we might say, "Dude, you're looking good," but again, "dude" in this sentence refers to a person. We just about NEVER, ever, say "You're hecka duded up, dude." You know how redundant that sounds? I hecka hate hecka lotta redundancy and hecka repitition of hecka words over and over again. It's BOOOOOOOOOORING. Heck yeah.
I'm starting to lose my train of thought. Man. You know, if it weren't for the fact that I could play MvC2 for 3 hours in a row, I'd swear I had ADD. Today I was taking my math final and after about 45 minutes, I started to daydream in the middle of a problem!!! Dude. (There's that word again. It's a sentence. The D is capitalized and there's a period. Subject? Verb? What're you babbling about, dude?) I was gonna write another a paragraph right here, but I forgot was I was going to say!! Darn it. Think I'll just end this entry now.
So, what did we learn today? The word "dude," although often (but not always) associated with positive situations, most usually is equivalent to the word "man." Thus, we can say, "Dude, are you a bleeding heart food-waster?" and say "Man, are you a bleeding heart food-waster?" Same difference. However, for a little variety, instead of saying, "What's up, dude," or "How's it going, man," next time we meet, let us greet one another with, "Howdy partner, how you doing, vaquero?" or "Hi ho giddyap, buckaroo!"
Peace out.
Tuesday, December 11, 2001
Hunh. Feeling groggy. Still need to review my math for tomorrow. What the crud have I been doing with all my free time?!
Monday, December 10, 2001
It has come to my attention that people (especially Marcus, who henceforth will be referred to as tallseabass, since he calls me slashronin for some reason) find my usage of napkins to be abnormal. I honestly don't see what's wrong with my practices. I mean, if my lips are smeared with grease and I desire a swig of milk, why not take one of the napkins on the table and wipe my lips? Also, there's no point in using the same dirty napkin over and over again. You see, it's kind of like blowing your nose with the same tissue over and over. Now that would be sort of disgusting. That makes me wonder, does anyone out there use handkerchiefs? But getting back to napkins, what would be the point of trying to wipe my hands or my mouth with a soiled piece of napkin when freshly baked napkins sit right in front of me? Unlike tallseabass and many other people I've eaten with, I at least eat all the food on my plate. I don't leave a chicken breast, 30 spoons of rice, a pound of beef, and half a gallon of fountain soda on my tray as I go to the cleaning section. If people stopped wasting so much food, maybe the DC wouldn't order so much food that just gets wasted. Starving peoples living in Africa and Third World nations don't need to eat napkins, they need to eat food. I'm confident they recycle all the napkins I use, anyway. Thanks for the support, Slick Ric. You might look like a lot of people, but as sure as tallseabass and his cohorts will waste enough food to feed Rhode Island tonight, you sure don't look like Chanman. No one could be that ugly. Haha, just kidding (about the ugly part)!
Sunday, December 09, 2001
Analyze this. Please tell me your take on this.
"Saturn Return," R.E.M.
Easy to poke yourself square in the eye
Harder to like yourself, harder to try
These Elvis poses, postcards and neopryn
Roses a dollar a stem
Everyone's sleeping or pulling a long haul
The keys in the cooler, it's 3AM
And Saturn is beckoning no one
Is off on its own
Is offering up
Late shift convenience store
Cut out the lights
Telescope roof towards the
Northwestern sky
You pull the ladder up
No one's the wiser
You find your sights and discover
That Saturn is orbiting nothing
Is off on its own
Is breaking from home
Harder to look yourself square in the eye
Easy to take off
You found the ladder in the pattern of your wrist
You've seen and you've marked horizons
Mother was difficult she made you cry
Cover the mirror, look to the sky
You climb into your rocketship triumph
Lift up and hold out your hands
Saturn is orbiting nothing
Is off on its own
Is breaking from home
Saturn is orbiting nothing
Is off on its own
Is breaking from home
Saturn return when you chase down its moons
Throw them into a new gravity
Harder to look yourself square in the eye
Easy to poke yourself, easy as pie
Easy to take off, harder to fly
Harder to wake Galileo
Saturday, December 08, 2001
I just wish DK would react faster to his alarm clock. And also, if he's going to use his alarm clock, he should wake up when it goes off. Because his alarm clock is pretty freakin' loud. And it wakes me up before he wakes up. And when he finally DOES wake up, all he does is turn it off and roll over. That's annoying.
I was just in the bathroom a few minutes ago and there were some girls in there. It seemed kind of weird to take a leak while girls were nearby. Then, after I took a shower, I was drying myself and a girl walked into the bathroom and called out, "Hello?" So I said, "Hi." And she started to ask me who I was and stuff. Strange, huh.
I'm listening to R.E.M.'s album "Reveal" right now. I guess all the discussion of songs yesterday (technically two days ago) has gotten me pumped about trying to make sense out of some i-N-s-A-n-E lyrics. It's like, I KNOW they mean SOMETHING... but what? It's such a great album though. As I write this, the track I'm listening to is "Imitation Of Life," the first single from the album, which came out in like May. I really like this song. Everything about it just makes me feel good. The tune, the rhythm, it just all flows so well together. Michael Stipe has that kind of voice that always sounds emotional even when he's trying to sound subdued. Haha, anyway, my take on "Imitation Of Life" is that it's a song about metaphoric masks people wear, kind of like "Building A Mystery" yesterday. Except I like R.E.M. better (sorry, ewe). Heheh. Sometimes, we live our lives like we're all this or all that, and we feel so confident about ourselves and everything. We think we've got everything sized. But when we live to impress others, that's not really life... that's an imitation. There is no shame in allowing yourself to feel. Let yourself live as if "no one can see you cry." I like that message. And they got it across without using the f-word, haha!
Friday, December 07, 2001
Someone remind me to have some self-discipline. Please.
Man, after Cru tonight, I saw Ma-man biking, and I haven't seen him in person for a few days. It was about 10PM and we were both on our bikes going opposite directions but when we saw each other we stopped and chatted in the cold darkness for like at least 20 or 30 minutes. Random.
Do you ever take a song and start analyzing the lyrics? I find myself doing that rather often. Today in English 3, we did just that. The teacher asked us to submit meaningful songs to him, and then he'd download them and have the class listen and analyze. I suppose if I realized he was looking for highly ambiguous, poetic lyrics I would have suggested something from R.E.M. Anyway, the songs we listened to were "This Corrosion," by Sisters of Mercy (some '80s song the teacher really likes. I thought musically it was cheesy and typical of '80s pop while lyrically the writer was probably on drugs.), "Ground On Down," by Ben Harper, "Building A Mystery," by Sarah McLachlan, "My Favourite Game," by The Cardigans (was I the only person in the class to realize that the opening theme song to Gran Turismo 2 is clearly about the "game" of sex?), "The Freshmen," by The Verve Pipe (I like that song), and "Changes," by some dead guy named Tupac.
Man, that Sisters of Mercy track was so hard to listen to. It had all the '80s traits- you know, hecka synthesizer work, choruses that try too hard to be catchy, and the cheesy 10 guitar solo. (I guess that's how a lot of modern music sounds too, though. Sad.) The Ben Harper song, though, had some pretty interesting lyrics. Seemed kind of spiritual...or maybe seeking. Wondering about God, the devil, heaven, and hell. I should listen to that song again some time. Maybe I should just go online and read about Harper's thoughts on the subjects. It seems to me that a lot of times, songwriters want listeners to form their own interpretations of songs, but after a while, when everyone has these dumb-butt interpretations, the artist comes out and straight up rips all those interpretations apart and says, "Here, this is what my song REALLY means." I think most people have heard "Building A Mystery," but today (well, technically yesterday) someone confirmed that it's a song about masks people wear to prevent others from seeing their true selves. (Thanks, Iris.) In class, people's interpretations on "My Favourite Game," surprised me. Most people thought it was purely about relationships, and how the woman is losing her lover. I would have said it was a song about how sex is important to her and how the man's abusiveness makes her wish she could make him right so they could have more sex, but I kept my mouth shut on that one. I didn't want to seem like a pervert, you know. Like if I say the song is about sex, people will start thinking all I know about is sex, which is totally untrue because I don't know anything about sex. Except that people can get STDs. And girls can get pregnant. But anyways. I digress. "The Freshmen" was my favorite song we listened to in class. I've got the acoustic version on MP3, it's a really nice song, very emotional. The song itself is about (okay, this is all my own opinion now) how a guy got his girlfriend pregnant and then they commited abortion (read: murdered a baby). The guy tries not to take responsibilty for the act, but in his heart he feels like crap. It's one of those songs that, even if I can't relate to, I can feel. You know what I'm saying? Oh yeah, and Tupac Shakur. Haha, I remember in 8th grade Mr. Morris would always call him "Shupac Takur." "Changes" is actually a pretty good rap song. It has that looped piano playing that old song, I think Bruce Hornsby or someone. But I think that one reason I don't like rap that much is because the lyrics never offer any solutions. Most rap artists came from ghettos and stuff, I guess, but still. P.O.D. came from the ghetto, but their music is positive stuff, you know, it's encouraging without ignoring the crap that happens in life. Rap's all just so negative most of the time, like there's no hope, so we may as well leave things the way they are.
It probably seems weird that a guy like me who considers himself to be a realist actively enjoys positive things. Who knows, maybe I'm a closet optimist. Actually, I think from now on, I will be a realistic optimist... Or wait, maybe I should be an optimistic realist... There's a difference there somewhere... Let me think... Ok, I'd say I'm an optimistic realist. But this is a topic for another entry, since it's around 12:30AM and I have a paper for Comparative Lit due in 11 hours or so.
Peace out. And there's nothing wrong with eating cereal for dinner. Also, it's better to waste napkins than waste food. Starving peoples in Third World countries don't need to eat napkins, but they could eat that chicken you leave untouched on your plate. Josh, my right hand is kind of sore.
Thursday, December 06, 2001
Pass 2 is so useless.
Wednesday, December 05, 2001
The Zone.
Have you ever felt as if you were in The Zone? I was in The Zone earlier today as I battled this very skilled player at MvC2. He's one of those guys who seem to live at the arcade, I see him all the time, and he really is one of the best players in this city. Anyway, he was using Magneto/Storm/Sentinel and I had Magneto/Storm/Psylocke. I remember playing him when I first got here, and he just dominated me like I was his little puppy or something. But today, for about half a minute, I was in The Zone. I took out his Magneto hecka fast, he was surprised. However, his Storm... I guess I was confused as to how I was winning so much, and while I was pondering this, he landed her magic series into Lightning Attack x 3 into Lightning Storm hyper. Then I was just kinda mashing and accidentally countered Magneto into Psylocke or something. The psychic intimidation freaked me out, and he still beat me down. But at least I know I'm getting better.
All I gotta do is learn how to tap into The Zone for extended periods of time.
I just ate some mold. No joke. I seriously swallowed some mold. No, I'm not (that) stupid. I didn't eat mold on purpose, it was an accident. You see, just a few minutes ago, I was feeling hungry. So I glanced over at the stash of food in my room, which has a ton of snacks my roommate and I bought. I noticed some bread there, so I was like, "Sure, what the heck, at least it's healthy and good for me. And bread tastes pretty good, too." So I reached over and grabbed it, then sat and started to eat some while reading up at www.transfandom.com which is a great Transformers site. (Thanks, Ma.) So I'm just sitting there reading and eating a slice of bread. All of a sudden, I noticed something about the taste. "This bread sure tastes a lot more bitter than I remember." I glanced down at the 3/4 eaten slice in my hand, and discovered some grayish/greenish crud on it. Now, I don't consider myself the queasy type, but in retrospect, I must admit, mold tastes disgusting, especially when you realize what you've eaten is mold. I suppose if I didn't look at the bread, I would have just swallowed all the mold. And now that I think about it, that loaf of bread has been in our room for at least 3 1/2 or 4 weeks. Hmm. I should pay more attention.
I'm listening to some Enya right now. I like her music, it's relaxing and encouraging. Someone told me she thought it was odd that a guy who listens to hardcore extreme death metal music finds Enya's music so enjoyable. I don't see why. I just happen to like good music. To me, music is music is music. It don't matter if it's Zao or R.E.M. or Project86 or U2 or Savage Garden or P.O.D. or Bach or Embodyment or K&M (heheh) or Nobuo Uematsu or Don Henley or Yoko Kanno or delirious? or Mozart or the Beatles or Jars of Clay or whatever!! I just like whatever I can FEEL, you know? That's probably one reason I don't give a crud about dance/techno/trance (still haven't figured out what the difference between them is) music. That type of music, in general, is pretty meaningless, at least to me. I don't care about beats or stuff like that. I care about the emotion behind the song, ya know? And also, that's why I don't care for today's modern teeny-pop music. People think I'm one of those anti-pop/pro-rock people, but that's not true. Fact is, I like good music and I hate bad music. I just feel that most modern pop music is very contrived sounding, very phony. And the lyrics don't mean anything. One modern pop band that I do like, though, is Savage Garden. Too bad they just broke up. Seriously, though, their music was good. The melodies, the lyrics, they were meaningful, even though I bet everytime someone thinks of SG, they think of a song like "Truly, Madly, Deeply." Say whatever you want about guys who sing like girls, but Darren Hayes, Savage Garden's singer, had a great voice. Like all those wannabe pop singers today like the B.S. Boys and nsnyc (I'm not even gonna bother spelling their name correctly) are just such weak imitators. I have a lot more to say on this subject, but I have a feeling that if I spend any more time writing right now, I'm gonna forget my point. So I'll just leave it at that, and if anyone has some beef to pick with me, let's take it outside, homo. (Homo sapien, of course.)
By the way, to anyone who's reading this and has his/her own online journal (read: Josh and Marcus, but mainly Josh): How would you like it if I pressured you to update your stuff, huh? You can't rush greatness, my friends. I know my eloquence astounds you, and you just want more and more of PerfectDru's perfect grammar and crud, but have patience.
"There's a difference between being smart and being wise, but only wise people know the difference..."
Monday, December 03, 2001
Why is Danny always acting like we're still at WPL?
Lil Kobe 8888 (4:57:39 PM): hey check out my profile
[His profile:
Lil Kobe 8888: What's ur name?
SlashRonin: My name is...
Lil Kobe 8888: IT DOESN'T MATTER
WHAT YOUR NAME IS!!!]
SlashRonin (4:57:56 PM): That is libel
Lil Kobe 8888 (4:58:01 PM): huh?
SlashRonin (4:58:07 PM): That's libel
Lil Kobe 8888 (4:58:10 PM): what does that mean?
SlashRonin (4:58:25 PM): Dude, you're in college, you should know a simple term like that
Lil Kobe 8888 (4:58:30 PM): nope
Dude, what the crud is up with all these "Top Text Links" I see everywhere?! I got one when I typed c-o-m- fg p-u-t-e-r m-o-n- de i-t-o-r. That pisses me off, people use your words for their advertisements. I'm gonna edit my last post right quick.
You know what's pretty annoying? I mean besides having to go poo in the middle of running the 400M (yeah, that happened to me, felt so nasty afterwords). Well, I'd have to say that writing an entry here and accidentally losing it is almost as annoying. That's what happened to me last night. Oh well. Somehow, life goes on, I donno how, but it does.
I went to bed so early last night, I hit the sack when it was about 10:54PM. That's probably the earliest I've gone to bed in many, many months. I just had this weird headache-type feeling, I guess because I didn't sleep Saturday night, and I went to sleep at about 3AM Sunday morning and woke up around 8:45AM for church. I guess that's not so bad, but I'm not used to sleeping that little anymore, so my body wasn't conditioned. However, last night I also was in my insomniac mode. I don't know why, it just happens once in a while. Sometimes I'll be so dang bushed that I fall asleep in like 6 minutes, sometimes it takes me an hour. I've read that staring at a [radioactive screen] or TV can stimulate certain parts of your brain, making it harder for one to fall asleep, but I donno if that's true all the time. Maybe sometimes, I guess.
It usually takes me a while to fall asleep. Just in the dark, I guess that's when I arrange all my thoughts, try to sort 'em all together and crud, ya know? Like I'll reminisce about the past and then think about what I did during the day and then think about what I should do the next day and then start fantasizing about being a deadly wandering swordsman capable of throwing fireballs from his bare hands. No joke. That's what I fantasize about. I suppose people may think that's weird, but I've heard one guy talk about fantasizing about "how cool it would be if pigs could shoot laserbeams from their eyeballs." So. But last night for some reason I had trouble sleeping. I don't know how long it took, I didn't look at the clock because then I would feel stupid, but I know it took a long time. I was thinking a lot about some conversations I had this weekend, man I had some deep conversations in the Dining Commons and in the bathroom (don't ask). I guess I would write what I was thinking about so much, but man it's sorta private. Even though this is supposed to be like a public journal and stuff. All I will say is that it's the same thing that used to make me lose sleep in sophomore year. Haha, I bet no one knows what I'm talking about now! Buddy, if you're still reading, you're pretty rad. I guess I was thinking sort of depressive thoughts last night, but hey, in the morning, everything is alright again.
"Depressive..." That word reminds me of how I was sorta feeling last week. Just felt sort of hecka down mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. I donno why. It's probably just because "Life is like a sinusoidal curve," as Steve Z puts it. It's true though, man!!! I'm so serious. Sometimes, just for no reason, I start feeling jacked up, and no, I do NOT get PMS unlike some people I know. I never really noticed that until high school. When I was younger, I was just like, whatever, let me play some Super Nintendo. But as I matured (quit smirking, please. Not good for your face.), I started to feel my own emotions a lot more. Like in sophomore year, I just felt happy almost all the time. Like everyday was such a joy, and I clearly remember making it some kind of goal for me to try to go through the entire with a smile and crap. (Side note: I learned in psychology last year, that often your physical posture influences your emotions- so if you hang your head and start frowning a lot and hunch your shoulders and stuff, in a few minutes you'll be depressed as heck, and I tried that and it works.) But I guess I just ain't the bouncy, everything's always a-ok type of guy. So in Junior and Senior year I had tons more mood swings (again, do I have remind you that guys don't get PMS?) and I guess just because of stuff that happened, I didn't really feel like acting happy so much. Right now a lot of people reading this will not understand what I am talking about. It's sort of personal, only a few people who really "get" me will sort of know who/what I'm referring to/about. Maybe if you ask me in private someday when I'm sleepy I'll tell you. And even those people who "get" me don't necessarily "GET" me. Many people know how I felt, but almost no one, maybe only one guy, knows how I FEEL.
Yo, thanks man. You really helped the other night.
Sunday, December 02, 2001
The only thing I understand is that I don't understand.
Saturday, December 01, 2001
Last night, I finally beat a crazy guy!!!! I beat him twice!!! And he was using Magneto/Storm/Psylocke!! Alright, I don't know if he felt bad for me and just let me win, but hey, I'll just assume my skills have improved.
It's a rather rainy, cloudy day. I still have two papers due this week. Dude, I almost jacked up yesterday, I turned in my Comparative Lit paper 2 hours late. Shoot. I still have another Com Lit paper due on Wed, not to mention an English 3 paper due Thursday (rough draft due Tues). I should totally be starting right about now, but man, I just feel so lazy. Writing here is a great reason to continue to put off starting my work.
So today I had breakfast/brunch/lunch with good ol' Slick Ric. Man, I have to say that was the longest single time I have spent in the Dining Hall so far! We were there for probably almost 90 minutes. It's not like it even took us 10 minutes to finish eating, we just sat around and talked all this nostalgic stuff about middle school and high school, and all this stuff about people's auras and crud. Dude.
