The Purple Tux
With just enough education to perform.Thursday, October 30, 2003
Well, could I sit there if I frickin' stabbed you?
Today, I walked in to Chem 194 (large lecture hall) for one of my classes. I was a couple of minutes early, but this class, Nutrition 10, is pretty crowded so there are already plenty of people there. I noticed that one of the edge seats was free, so I approached it and was about to sit on it. I usually like sitting at the end of a row because at least one of my legs gets some extra space and also because I can leave easier. Anyway, I walk to the chair, and I place my hand on it about to lower the seat when, get this, this one guy throws his freakin' backpack right on the chair as I'm about to pull it down. Then he looks at me and says, "This seat's taken." In my mind, I'm all, What the hell? Is this a joke? I give him the evil eye for a fraction of a second and he quickly glanced away and mumbled, "Sorry." I let that Asian mofo go and walked down closer to the front of the class.
I spied another seat at the edge of a row. I walked towards it, and right when I tossed my backpack down and folded down the seat, the girl next to it says, "Sorry, this seat's been taken." I think people who save seats for their ugly friends are assholes. They need to be stabbed. I kept an eye on that chair the rest of the class, and nobody even came to sit there. Stupid ho. Saving seats for people is pretty lame. First of all, there are people who come to class on time and rightfully deserve a seat, and people who tell others that "this seat's been taken" aren't being considerate. Second of all, if you're going to be an asswipe and save a seat for someone, at least toss your backpack on the seat beforehand and make sure your ugly friend actually shows up.
Speaking of seats, the other morning I was on the bus, and the bus is usually pretty crowded in the morning. I was just sitting in the middle of the bus, right, and then we get to this one stop where a whole crapload of fools get on. You know how the at the front of most any bus, there are signs that ask passengers to vacate the front seats for people who might be disabled or handicapped? Well, get this, people were sitting there and then this one poor girl with like a broken leg hobbles on the bus on two crutches, and none of the ugly buggers sitting at the front of the bus gave up their seats. This is how the world works. Everybody's just in it for themselves, oblivious to everything and everyone else. There's so much wrong with the world. Things could so easily be rectified if we just stabbed every stupid person to death. Either that, or ship them to Mars, but stabbing is probably easier, more cost effective, and humane. I long for the day when I will no longer have to deal with pathetic human beings. All humans deserve is a stabbing, and everything would be better.
Wednesday, October 29, 2003
"It is one thing to be hard-boiled about everything in the daytime, but at night it is another thing." -Ernest Hemingway, The Sun Also Rises
Monday, October 27, 2003
And these shall be the first to taste my wrath.
I've mentioned this several times already, perhaps not in these sacred pages, but there are two groups of people that I vehemently oppose: feminists and Asian activists. Today I remembered how much I do so hate feminists. In early 17th century American Literature (Puritan Lit.) class today, we went over some works about Puritan theology and such. One of the essays discussed the concept of women being subjective to their husbands, and thus finding liberty in their submission in their matrimony. The teacher spoke for a while about this, and then casually asked what people thought of women and submission. Immediately, this one lady (probably in her forties) raised her hand and said, "This is bullshit."
Damn feminist! She proceeded to describe some incomprehensibly lame anti-male ideology about how women are equal to and, in many cases, likely superior to men. Some of the younger girls said they felt the Puritan essay made some degree of sense, because if the husband were truly a loving and caring man, submitting to his will would be a boon for them all. To that, this older woman replied, "Well, that's bullshit! Blah blah blah..." Fortunately, the teacher got the discussion back on track and we kept on going.
But.
This woman triggered my fullblown and unadulterated disgust. That's the problem with older folks... They think they know everything there is about life because they've got so much experience. I guess they don't understand just how outmoded their views can easily grow in the span of a generation. Well, it also didn't help that this woman has a mullet. I suppose that pretty much speaks for itself. Woman. Feminist. Mullet. In my mind, all I could think of was, well, to be honest, "DIE, BITCH!!" But I know that's not the proper attitude a God-fearing Christian as myself should have, so I decided not to stab her after class. Hopefully I don't live to regret that.
Saturday, October 25, 2003
Superman: We don't command this world, Lara. We share it. At our best, we serve it.
Lara: Why? The humans just make a mess of things. When they aren't killing their planet, they're killing each other. For their own sake, why don't we just take over and run things?
Superman: And do what? Make them all slaves? That's what the bad guys do.
Uber prep-time Batman: You're using circular logic- like you always do, Clark. Working backward from a dumbass conclusion. Repeating whatever Ma and Pa told you without giving it a damn thought. Do you remember when I told you I was done talking?
Superman: Arrrrr!
Uber prep-time Batman: I lied. I had Palmer [The Atom] leave a little something behind when he did the hokey-pokey around in your inner ear. That's why you can see me and hear me, right now. Don't ask how it works. You wouldn't understand. You're not smart enough.
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"How strange that it would be you. The mean one. The cruel one. The one with the darkest soul. How strange that you, of all of us, would prove to be the most hopeful." -Hal Jordan, Green Lantern
Friday, October 24, 2003
My current role model is prep-time Batman.
Most everyone in the free world knows who Batman is, and almost everyone has at least heard of the guy. Well, prep-time Batman is my ideal hero. I'm not talking about the old school Batman from the mid-1900s who smiled a lot and said "chum" and I'm not talking about that pathetically campy 1960s Batman live action (starring Adam West and Burt Ward). I'm not even talking about the cool and dark Batman from that top tier animated series from the '90s. No, the Batman I admire is the modern day, unstoppable Dark Knight... I call him "prep-time" Batman.
Here's the thing with Batman. I think a lot of people have misconceptions of who he is. He's not some cheery superhero living out heroic ideals, trying to make sure everyone has a fair shot at the American way; no, this Batman, though he cares profoundly for the human race, is intent on scaring the living piss out of criminals, a cowardly and superstitious lot. He’s no Caped Crusader, he’s the freakin’ Dark Knight. This guy will have no compunctions on sending someone to the hospital if he deserves it.
Another misconception about Batman is that he’s all about having cool gadgets and devices to take out his enemies. Although it’s true that he has many useful tools in his crusade against jerkoffs, he’s more than some dude with a bunch of gadgets. You see, he’s a certified genius. Many of the devices he uses are so innovative that he could make a fortune getting them patented (of course, he needed a fortune to develop those items, which is why owning Wayne Enterprises is pretty handy). Batman has a mind that could have revolutionized the world of physics, hands that could have set landmarks in neurosurgery, and he is a master martial artist and Olympic-level athlete to boot. Plus, he’s pretty much the world’s greatest detective. Quite a resume. Basically, Batman is the peak of humanity.
However, he has one other special trait that allows him to rank among the uber-beings of the DC Universe. It is due to this quality that he’s called prep-time Batman. It’s pretty self-explanatory; in essence, Batman has a backup plan for every contingency for every plan B, and an extra ace up his sleeve just in case. Earth under attack by an alien despot utilizing the power of a mystical rock? No problem, Batman knows what to do. Unknown invaders using mass-brainwashing to control Earth’s populace and hellbent on destroying the Justice League of America? Leave it to Batman to discover their one weakness and put and end to their nonsense. Possibility that the Justice League’s members themselves will go rogue? No worries, because Batman already has detailed files on how to meticulously incapacitate each and every member.
Prep-time Batman… Ready for anything and everything, and then some. Think about it. He’s the one normal human guy in the JLA and yet he’s the one saving their asses and the world’s ass almost every other storyarc. He’s just that godlike. That itself is quite impressive. But… yes, there’s more.
Ask the average joe to name a superhero and the answer will most likely be Superman (or Spider-Man). I’ve never been much of a Superman fan. Don’t get me wrong, because I do like him and think he can be cool. But Superman is not even in my top 20 favorite heroes. It’s not because he’s too strong (the guy’s invulnerable, superstrong, superfast, he can shoot fire from his eyes, fly, use x-ray vision, etc) and has only one vulnerability. I think those powers are pretty sweet. I just don’t like his personality, his ideology, his coda.
Superman is the namby-pamby Boy Scout do gooder. He symbolizes everything that is beautiful and good- love, truth, and mom’s apple pie.
I don’t like that.
Batman is dark, brooding, and vengeful. I see a lot of myself in Batman. Superman? He’s a nice guy and crap, but I have nothing in common with that government bootlicker. See, Superman relies on trust. Batman relies on fear. I would rather have the world fear me than trust me. If you don’t understand how a person can honestly feel that way, I fear you’re just as dumb as Clark. Good luck living your life.
When I look at the world, I see pain, loneliness, and a need for righteous retribution. I do not believe that a man can make a difference by living out high and noble ideals. Crap needs to get done for a crap to happen. I’m not saying it’s a bad thing to try and make a difference, but it is a damn foolish thing to expect something good to happen everytime we step out and try to do something positive. I have no doubt in my mind that God can and will choose to use worthless humans to bring glory to Himself, but that has nothing to do with me.
I was talking to a good friend of mine, Josh Yoon (man, I sure know a lot of Joshes) the other day. Somehow we got to talking about how Superman and Batman are polar opposites who live for the same purpose. I don’t know why, but he said that he’s like Superman and I’m like Batman. I guess that’s a pretty cool compliment.
Every day, I think more and more like prep-time Batman. I’m ready to put a hurt on someone stupid. I think stupidity needs to be punished more often than it is. In other words, women need to be flogged daily. Some guys need to be flogged with them, too. The world needs a man who keeps it real. Sure, we’ve already got Rush Limbaugh, but… Um, okay, the world needs a man who keeps it real without being completely stupid. I think if I train hard enough, I can be that man.
Bottom line- I’m not stupid, but you probably are. You might not know it, but you probably are. If you think you are stupid and in need of a good stabbing, fear not, for I already have a contingency plan to ensure just that. I’m watching you…
Wednesday, October 22, 2003
No sympathy for the pathetic human race.
I encountered some, shall we say, interesting characters today. In my Nutrition 10 class, I happened to sit in the front row of the lecture hall next to this one Asian (probably Chinese) guy. I know I've seen this guy before; I think he might even be in CEF. Anyway, this guy kind of rubbed me the wrong way. Not necessarily in a physical sense, either. I think I'll just try to explain why this guy kind of irritated me. I'll probably come off as a condemning jackass, but what can I say? I keep it real. Well, here goes.
First off, this guy had the fruitiest mittens I've ever seen. Yes... mittens... on a warm sunny day. His mittens had this feature where he could fold back the finger part- essentially, he'd be able to use his fingers to write and stuff without having to completely take his mittens off. I've never seen a male wear anything like that. Second, this guy was into martial arts. Don't get me wrong, martial arts are sweet and I wish I had studied some, but I've never met a serious martial artist who liked to show off in front of strangers. This guys was straight up taking up fighting stances and throwing punches at imaginary opponents while we were sitting during the lecture. That kind of disturbed me. Martial arts or no, if I had sucker punched him, that would have been the end of his boastfulness for the day. (P.S.- Yeah, I have no compunctions about sucker punching. I fight like my role model, prep-time Batman: dirty.)
However, I think the most annoying aspect of this character was how he would continually resond to the lecturer's rhetorical questions. Since we were in the front row, the teacher could hear him, but she never acknowledged him, probably 'cause she didn't think anyone would respond. The sad part was, most of this guy's answers were incorrect anyway, and he'd often say "Oops" after the teacher answered her own rhetorical question. It's hard to explain, so chalk it up to my disgust with humanity, but this guy irritated me. Note to self- don't sit next to him again. I think he's the type of guy who would be an insufferable suck-up in a smaller class. Those people need to be stabbed.
Later on in the day, I went to take a pre-class leak over in Olson. I was relieving myself at the urinal, and then as I finish and zip up, this one guy walks out of the stall. At this point, he doesn't notice me, as I am behind him. First thing he does is walk up to the roll of paper towels, grab a couple, and wipe his leg. He turned around, noticed me, and tried to play it off by breaking eye contact and washing his hands and playing with his hairstyle. Somehow, I managed to control myself and did not snicker. I've probably had to wipe splash damage off my leg at one point or another. Still, it was pretty amusing to watch a guy who didn't realize he wasn't alone.
In my English class today, this Asian girl sat next to me and kept looking at my notes. Okay, I admit I wasn't really taking notes, but I was working on the script to a top secret video. Still, she kept looking at my desk, trying to see what I was writing. I think that was pretty rude. She didn't even try to hide it; she completely turned her head towards my desk and I even looked at her eyes. She was pretty oblivious to me. Maybe I should just stop sitting next to Asians. Next time someone starts looking at my notes without asking me, I think I'll just ask them if they'd like to be stabbed.
I think the world would be better off if every stupid person were stabbed to death.
Monday, October 13, 2003
Yeah, I was chillin', waitin' for the rapture in class today, just totally zoned out and daydreaming. I got to thinking about naming things after important people. It's quite an accomplishment and it's cool to have something named after you. It's very inspiring; the thought that so long as the particular object or place exists, your name will continue to be remembered and spoken by others. Does it really matter if people forget exactly what you did? I think it's just one of the highest symbols of respect the world can show you, to have something named after you.
It's pretty elite company. For example, there's the state of Washington, which is named after George Washington Carver, the man who invented the peanut. And on the other side of the world, there's the Jordan River, which is named after Michael Jordan, an internationally renowned baseball player. Heck, in Davis, just about 3 or 4 blocks away from me, there's a street named Drew Street. Oh yeah, I'm bad!
But you know what's odd? How come we hardly ever name things after, like, God? He's the most powerful being in the universe and beyond, and yet we don't give him any respect. How come there's no God City, or Jesustown, or Christville? Tell me, where is the love? Sure, there are lots of Mexican dudes named Jesus, but that's not really the same.
Josh Go- When you finally establish your own island nation, I propose your country be named "GOd." That way, your last name is in it and it pays tribute to our Almighty Father in heaven, who will finally have the best country in the world named after Him.
Puritan literature is pretty bland, but this one article caught my attention and woke me up (and made me laugh pretty hard).
The title of this particular essay is "A Horrible Case Of Bestiality," and here's a small excerpt. It's written by William Bradford, by the way.
"He was this year detected of buggery, and indicted for the same, with a mare, a cow, two goats, five sheep, two calves, and a turkey. Horrible it is to mention, but the truth of the history requires it. He was first discovered by one that accidentally saw his lewd practice towards the mare. (I forbear particulars.)"
That's one of the funniest things I've read in a long time.
Friday, October 10, 2003
Stacy's Mom is such a great song. That's probably one of my favorite singles of the year, for sure. Other hot singles this year- R.E.M.'s Bad Day, Radiohead's Go To Sleep (though There, There is sweet and I heard 2+2=5 is coming up next), and The White Stripes' Seven Nation Army. Rest in peace, Zwan. Lyric was a great single. Other sweet singles that came out earlier this year- Audioslave's Like A Stone, Weezer's Keep Fishin' (maybe that's more like end of 2002), and Foo Fighters' Times Like These. This year's guilty pleasure? Why Can't I? by Liz Phair. Oh yeah, and The Flaming Lips released the Fight Test EP back in like April.
If you haven't heard any of this stuff, I suggest you obtain them somehow. Through completely legal means, of course.
Wednesday, October 08, 2003
Today I was sitting around for my English 42: Approaches To Reading class a few minutes before it started. I like that class. It's been pretty enjoyable so far, and the instructor is an entertaining guy. Anyway, class is about to start, and the teacher just starts his lecture even though everyone is having conversations and stuff. All of a sudden, a couple of people start "shhhhhhhh!!"-ing the class. At that moment, I think I had an epiphany (possibly a chemical imbalance in my cerebral membrane or some crap like that): people who try to "shhhhhhhh!!!" the class are pretty annoying.
I know that it's rude to continue speaking when the instructor begins his lecture, but I'm very sure that he only started to speak because he figured that everyone would eventually notice and hush up on their own. It's kinda like if you're at a Christian event and you want to get started, you just start to lead everyone in prayer and eventually even the yammering girls in the back shut up. I can't explain exactly why people who try to "shhhhh!" others (we'll call 'em shushers from now on) annoy me so much.
Maybe it's because these people take things way too seriously for their own good. Really, if no one hears the first nineteen seconds of lecture in a fifty minute long lecture, are we really missing anything? It's just school, anyhow. There are better things to pay close attention to. Also, when shushers start their shushing, it also drowns out what the instructor is saying for the truly polite students who are trying to pay attention. Shushers, those inconsiderate buttwipers. Another thing, I notice it's usually girls who are shushers, which is ironic because we all know girls are the ones who jibba jabba the most.
In addition, a lot of times, the females who're shushers are older. I mean, like, mothers or something who have decided to return to college to get a degree. Don't get me wrong, I respect that they still want to get some more higher education, but sometimes they are annoying students. I'm sure most of them are responsible mothers and wives, but as fellow students they can be annoying. They tend to contribute many comments without actually saying anything of interest to me. Sometimes, they even answer obvious rhetorical questions. It's only out of respect for our elders that we do not stone them for being such namby pambies.
Perhaps in their day, answering simple rhetorical questions was something to be respected for, but nowadays, it's just kinda, um, stupid. Anyway, I don't know how this rant originally intended to degrade shushers became a mean little post about old people. Maybe one of these days I'll write a positive-minded post. But then again, we're talking about me here. Dark. Scary. Cruel. One sick, disturbed, and twisted individual. By the way, did you know that I'm leading a freshman Bible Study this year? (That was a rhetorical question, by the way.)
Tuesday, October 07, 2003
Hahahaha, we got The Governator!!! Too good, that's just pure ownage right there.
Today, I learned that Dhalsim is pretty good against those annoying turtles in Alpha 3. I'm still not too good at that game, but on my fifth try today, I was able to beat some annoying turtle. I swear, not too much pisses me off more than a stingy turtle (well, being ignored by a stupid Unitrans bus driver ranks pretty high on my K-Groove Rage Meter). This guy I was playing before class today, all he did was walk backwards as soon as the match started and hide in his shell. A-ISM Ken, I know, it's pretty sad that I lost to that bull like 4 times in a row with my V-Sakura, V-Ryu, and V-Akuma. The guy never attacked me! He ran away and threw fireballs when it was safe. If I got too close, he'd seriously just keep jumping the other direction until we got to the other side of the entire arena. That happened a bunch of times. You know how freakin' lame it is to chase that crap down in any Street Fighter game?
I finally decided to screw trying cool combos. I just wanted to win, so I picked A-Dhalsim. Sure, the match started and the guy tried to run away, but haha! long limbs kicked him outta the air. He couldn't play anymore keepaway or run from me, so he tried to attack. No wonder he was a turtle, the guy just could not do anything good in close. Back strong pretty much knocked him out of the air whenever he jumped at me, and upwards Yoga Flames added some damage (dude was so lame he didn't know how to safe fall even though I back stronged him like 8 times in a row). Anyway, I felt pretty smug after eating some turtle soup, so after that, I left the game and went to Nutrition class. I wonder how much protein I get from eating turtles, anyway.
Friday, October 03, 2003
I nearly forgot, but my last post is dedicated to the one and only Josh Go. He's one of the few sick and disturbed individuals I know who, in a twisted way, actually kind of relates to me. Whatever, I think I'll just dedicate my whole journal to Josh Go. Screw that, I dedicate my life and the life of my firstborn child to Joshua Go.
Friday Night Brooding returns, baby.
Sad to say, but since the week before school started, I have been pretty busy doing all sorts of unexpected things. College is all about the spontaneous moments, anyway. That's what makes this crap fun. The world is lame, life in general is lame, but people are cool (yeah, either cool or they suck). Everything's a joke. I wish everyone understood how much of a joke the universe is. Having this wisdom just makes life all that much more bearable and enjoyable. Humans as a race in general tend to take things way to seriously. I think sometimes you just gotta learn to laugh at yourself and each other. That's what I'm all about. Laughing at the world. And Jesus, of course, I'm down with Christ.
Let's see. There's not too much of a point to recap everything that happened during Project. Suffice to say, it was pretty much the best summer of my life. I built friendships with some tight fools, saw some kids turn to Christ, learned how to passably ride a longboard, and met Dennis Rodman. There are just way too many good things that happened this summer, and besides, I wrote everything down in my physical journal. Maybe when I bite the dust, someone will find my journals and read'em for what they're worth. That'll probably be the only for anyone to understand my true feelings on the summer, other than like, I dunno, asking me about it I guess. But yeah, the truth about Project is that it's full of challenges. It's not easy to evangelize to snobby pieces of crud, and it sucks when people are all up way into themselves. For me, it was definitely hard to be surrounded by people constantly, especially since I'm the traditional angry loner/outcast type. It was hard to have to be responsible and get crap done. But to be honest, the hardest part of Project is leaving Project.
So after Project, I spent a couple days in Davis before I returned to San Francisco. I was in SF for a couple of weeks and pretty much kicked back, had some quality alone time, and played Street Fighter with the boys back home (and Resident Evil with Steve Z, which should be like a new summer tradition). Listened to a lot of the records I bought and didn't have time to listen to when I was in Newport Beach and read a bunch of stuff. Nothing all too special. It was great, though, some nice downtime after an intense summer.
I came back to Davis the week before Welcome Week. The first couple days I didn't know what to do with myself, so I ended pretty much chilling with Josh Y basically every day the entire week. Played a lot of Tony Hawk's Pro Skater 2 (yeah, I'm still living in the past) but I still suck at it. I can beat him at Street Fighter though. Had a couple of meetings for Daviscru. I ended up leading this year's Epic Freshmen small group. It's something that I didn't choose to do initially. I mean, I knew it was a possibility, but I was still leaning to just leading a freshmen dorm group. It's strange leading a small group for Epic, seeing as how last year I barely did anything special for Epic. I think I was encouraged by a small piece of advice Roy offered. It's like, I'm not at a place that I chose myself, but a place that God's chosen. For some reason that is still beyond my understanding.
Anyway, I think labor is my least favorite part of ministry. Yeah, I wrote "ministry." It's still weird to say that. Now that I have a role to play in the ministry, I've been pretty busy. Welcome Week was a lot of work, handing out the one minute questionaires and crap and having events every single day. To paraphrase (or rather, misquote) Radiohead, Meeting people is never easy. Least of all for someone who generally finds himself disgusted with the human race in general (ie, me). Don't get me wrong, it's been a lot of labor so far, but I've never been more excited about the things God is doing. It feels like I'm actually starting to build off the momentum I had from Project, even though it started to trail off when I went home. Labor is still probably my least favorite part of ministry, though. I wish I could just say, Screw labor, and then just see a whole lotta fruits. Oh well. It's just getting crazy, but then, so am I, so beware.
That's pretty much all I can say for now. Isn't ironic how I'm an English major and yet I never have any particularly cool stories? I mean, other than the story about the flash of mammary gland...
Okay. Peace out for now.
And remember, everything I say/have said/will say is filtered through an all-knowing smirk.
